Parents: Speak well and you'll hear good manners

When I think about teaching my children manners, it is not all about their actions. It is also about how they say it. We are so caught up on teaching our children to say, "Please and Thank you," have we forgotten about proper English? It is just as important for children to use the correct words when asking for something. Instead of "Can I have...? " It should be, "Please, May I have more peas?" "Could you please pass the vegetables?" As I listened closer to my children's words, I found I needed to listen closer to my own words. If I asked, "Does anyone want pizza?" the response was more often than not, "I want pizza." So, if we are to expect our children to be polite, we need to guide their response. We should say, "Would anyone like more pizza?" in hopes of a "Yes, please," or a "No, Thank you." It is just the same as with our actions. If we do the same routine when we sit down to the table, our children will learn from that as well. If my husband pulls out the chair for me, the children will see that it is a nice gesture for a husband to do for his wife. When I sit down, I always take my napkin, unfold it and put it on my lap. I use a knife and fork to cut and eat my food. I wipe my mouth by dabbing and I never speak with food in my mouth. Sure, I am perfect. Actually, I am not...I put my feet on my chair and hug my knees while sitting at the table when I am done. I often speak with food in my mouth because I love to talk. And I leave the table 10 times during any given meal. So, it is really me who is sending messages to my children that these behaviors are okay. It is up to me to be a good role model and not only tell them what are good table manners but physically show them.

I am sure this is not the first time anyone has said this. But to me it may be the first time I have had a minute as a mom to actually reflect on my own teachings and realize that I need to listen to my own advice.

Manner # 7 - Napkin Do's

TO WIPE OR PAT YOUR MOUTH
Unfold your napkin half size if it is a large one and all the way if it is small. Put it on your lap where it should remain until you need to wipe your mouth.  It should be returned to your lap after wiping. When wiping your mouth, do NOT rub the napkin across your mouth.  You must pat your lips. Always wipe your mouth before you drink so that you will not leave any crumbs on your glass.  And never drink when you have food in your mouth, wait until you have swallowed.

MOMS TAKE & THE EXECUTION
Its been over a few weeks since I started implementing these manners.  And as usually it is a little lost on my 3 year old. I just sighed, but I am hopefully that if I lay the ground work someday it will all just miraculously happen.  But for my 5 year old, he has taken to it whole heartedly. He even surprises me sometimes.  I ask him to wipe his mouth, yes, I still have to tell him.  But I always kind of forget that I have instructed him to pat his mouth instead of wiping, and then he PATS his mouth.  I practically die of laughter (INSIDE, of course) and then look at his face which still has a TON of crumbs on it and sigh again.  Maybe this patting technique needs to be rethought. 

If you have kids like mine, their faces are so dirty sometime that even a chisel with hot rag scrub won't do the trick.  So a "Pat" seems a little silly.  But we'll try it and even though there was still food on his mouths after the pat, it was soooo cute to see Lukas do it.  I think we need to work on getting them totally clean before reaching the table and "patting" more frequently.  But forget about it if we are having spaghetti bolognese!

MANNER # 6 - What Not To Do at the Table

THE MANNER
So we have been working on knife and fork use, and as I previously mentioned the placement of the knife and fork when you complete your meal.  Specifically, when you are done you keep you napkin on your lap, never put it on the table.  When you are done and if leaving the table, you may fold it neatly and slide it under the right side of your plate.  You then should place your knife and fork across your plate pointing to 3 or 4 o'clock. This lets everyone know you are finished. 

MOMS TAKE
Okay, THEY DID IT. Tonight before dinner I prepared them and said that dinner would be ready soon and they should wash up and they stopped playing and went to wash their hands.  I put the food on the table and they arrived just as I called to them.  My goodness, that was easy.  Well, let's see if they can keep it up.  And btw, we had dinner guests.  Maybe they were a good influence on my boys?  Anyway, when the meal was over our guest announced, " I am done."  Lukas said, and I quote word for word, "You do not need to say that, just place your knife and fork across your plate and everyone will know you are finished." I almost died! It was too hilarious.  I was super proud of him.

THE EXECUTION
At breakfast we asked the boys to share what  were some bad manners at the table.  Here is what they said: 
No feet on the table (Lukas likes this rule in particular and reminds Henry frequently) 
No spinning your knife (Lukas said this - I guess he did listen yesterday!)
No shouting, No getting up from the table, No eating with your fingers. No elbows on the table.  Well, I guess they have been listening all along.  I was super excited.  So I am off to bed a happy mom.  Tomorrow - back to the table for more good manners.

MANNER #5 - TABLE MANNER BASICS

THE MANNER
Here is a list of a few basics which will get us started before we get into the more nit picky rules.

1. If you know it is getting close to dinner time, wash up so that when you are called, you can be ready to come right away.  It is rude to keep people waiting.
2. Go to the table as soon as you are called or the meal is announced for those of you out there who have private chefs or servants. 
3. Make yourself easy to look at as Ms. Tina suggests.  Make sure you are clean and presentable.  Clean shirt, clean face and hands and brushed hair. 
4. When you arrive at the table, do not start eating until all of the diners have arrived.

MOMS TAKE
Thank goodness it is finally here.  I have been teaching them table manners since the beginning of time, but some just don't stick.  We have implemented a knife and fork rule.  Meaning that at each meal they are giving the tools with which to eat properly.  They are shown how to use these eating tools and we hope that they are used.  We constantly remind them to use them.  Tonight, Lukas was using his knife as a spinning wheel. He moved his plate over and flicked his knife.  If spun around and around. Henry noticed how cool it looked and shoved his plate out of the way and proceeded to flick his knife.  I grabbed Henry's before it hot over his milk but was too far away from Lukas'.  I told him that a knife is to be used to cut your food and not as a toy.  After 5 times of spinning his mean and me telling him to stop, he lost his knife privilege. Is it him missing out or really manners who are missing out, because now he can not cut his food or eat right. Oh well, I guess the novelty of having a knife will wear off and the games will subside.   Henry on the other hand is particular to eating with his fingers.  A normal meal consists of me saying, "Use your fork" and "NO fingers" at least 100 times.

I have to watch them like a hawk.  If I leave the table or let me thoughts wonder for even a minute, I regret it.  Tonight when I was day dreaming?? Not sure, I look over to my right and Lukas is standing next to Henry tossing food in Henry's open mouth.  I have no idea how this started as I was sitting right next to them! I say, "No, no, no boys.  No throwing food in Henry's mouth."  Lukas responds by saying, but he has to eat all of his food if he wants dessert."  Although I really liked his explanation for the need to throw food in his brothers mouth and the fact that he was being very helpful to his brother, I couldn't let it continue.  It is day one of table manner after all, and I am on a mission.

THE EXECUTION
I usually get them to wash their hands before dinner, but combing their hair and changing their shirt? Who am I kidding.  And getting them to come to the table the first time I call, well I would probably faint.  But I explained to the rules and we will see how they do tomorrow at breakfast.